Jacques Report

Bonus points if you figured out right away that that’s not Jacques. It’s his fault the little guy is there, though.

It being nearly April, everything around here is popping. Jacques had me up at 4:30 this morning — he fooled me into thinking he had a tummy ache — which is how I discovered the meaning of the expression “up with the birds.” It was at that point when you can just tell that the sun will soon appear. The birds are going nuts. You never hear that much from them in daylight.

I determined that Jacques was faking me out — he took off running the second the door was opened — and went in to make coffee. Then I had to go out again. Jacques had cornered the fluffy white psychopath from across the street. Unlike the little sport killer, Jacques thinks the thing to do with prey is bark at them. So he barked and barked until the psychokiller found an escape route. It made Jacques’ morning, but I wanted to go back to bed. I left the front door open. Jacques likes to hang out at the entrance, keeping watch over his domain.

Thus the bird. He found his way clear up to the top of the house and into my bathroom, the most remote corner at the top of the house. There he perched and probably pooped until he flew out the skylight that I opened for him. At least Jacques didn’t bark.

7 thoughts on “Jacques Report

    1. No kidding. Poor guy. In the hall, all these windows with no exit, up the stairwell to the third floor, little dog making a perfunctory leap — but how would he know Jacques wasn’t serious — then the skylight, which of course was closed at first. At least he had a safe perch to catch his breath. I could see that he took a minute to calm down, by which time the skylight was open. A couple of seconds after I took the photo, he was gone.


      1. I’m fine with “devil’s spawn.” Cats either need to eat what they kill or be kept indoors. The only time I was okay with a cat was when I had a feral one, a rescue. He lived under the stove. We never saw him, but we heard him bouncing around the kitchen at night. It turned out he was catching roaches. His entire diet was roaches. I had no idea why he wasn’t touching his cat food until we went to dinner at a neighbor’s apartment and saw roaches running all over the walls, during dinner. I think when we moved, they adopted the cat.


  1. So your mornings start out with sunshine, furry animals, and little birds that join you in your home? I envy your life as a Disney Princess. Bambi will likely show in the garden any minute now. 🙂 I, too, received a bird this morning but it it was from some wrinkled prune of a witch driving a Toyota Avalon on Foothill Boulevard. Max and Jacques share a similar approach to challenging other species – bark from a safe distance and declare victory when the other critter departs. Max applies this strategy to cats and squirrels of course but also to trash trucks, the gardener, mail carrier and the especially evil UPS driver. So far it has worked and we remain safe.


    1. Jacques loves people, much more so than I. He’d probably like Bambi, too, to judge by his interest in horses and sheep. Heavy equipment, though, not at all. Some day I’ll have to take and post a video of him chasing after the tractors and heavy trucks that sometimes roll outside the gate. He rushes up to the gate, then dashes into the garage, barking all the way. And guess what, no farm equipment has ever tried to plough up the back yard.


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