He’s not here any more.
I woke up yesterday morning to find him snuggled up against Sky, using her tummy as a pillow. We had an appointment in Nantes, so I got ready and off we went, to get to the bottom of all the crazy things going wrong with him. They did a scan and found out: bone cancer. It was everywhere. Everywhere. Jacques must have been in terrible pain and never let on.
They sedate dogs to do scans and had kept him sedated. The vet practically begged me to let him put Jacques down, but it wasn’t necessary. Once I understood the situation, there was really no other choice. So now he’s gone.
I’m strongly tempted to follow the example of blog-buddy Tom. Tom had what he called a dog blog. We were partners in little white dog worship. When his Maltese died of heart failure, he ended the blog. Like Tom, I’m likely to make the announcement of the death of my beloved little white dog my last post.
This blog began with a death and it may well end with one. When Robert died I moved permanently to France, where we had already been spending half our lives. I got Jacques as a way to reconnect myself with the world; he kept me from spending my life crying on the sofa. I started the blog to stay in touch with my US friends, and to chart my transition to life here.
So, the house renovation, the garden transformation, some travel, Jean-Yves. You didn’t read about the guys I dumped because they didn’t understand the importance of Jacques in my life. Jean-Yves treated him like a beloved stepchild. I wish he were here to be miserable with me.
Anyway, with Jacques’ death, I have transitioned. It’s all over but the paperwork, which in France never ends. Still, France is home; I don’t foresee another move. The house is done. It’s just maintenance, now. We’re planting out long-dreamt schemes for the garden. Now it’s all about fertilizer and pruning.
Somewhat to my surprise, I’m an old lady. I don’t feel old but at 71 I guess I qualify. Old men are dying like flies, so I have to figure there will not be another Robert or Jean-Yves. I am grateful for my years with them and dare not presume that a third lovely man will come into my life. Well, they do, but not in that way.
Tom got it exactly right. Like him I may leave the blog up for a while, but close comments. Some of you have my email address. I would love to hear from you. Some of you are blog buddies; I will check in, so keep blogging. Some of you even know where I live; the door is open to you. For everyone else in my tiny community of followers, thank you for being here.
At Home in France 